guard in a spin

Once again, many thanks to James Herriot, from whom I have blatently stolen the title!
Before anyone can become a guard, we all have to go through a certain ammount of training, however, every turn appears to throw up something that leaves you standing there thinking "I haven't been trained for this." Some of these moments are quite alarming, but most vary from mildly ammusing to down right funny and have the result of bringing on bouts of laughter, or some cutting comments (Behind closed doors of course!), so hopefully you will join me in having a good giggle with my account of this year's regular week of carrying the most dangerous, unpredictable cargo on earth.
As with last year, the week got extended slightly, starting the friday before the first of our 40s weekends, and with me, unusually, working off the Bridgnorth end of the line.
Looking at my journal, I have simply described the weather as "Yuck" as a fine drizzel was ensuring that while we were soaked and miserable, without the weather making the effort to give us some propper rain.
When they had finished the nessesary shunting (Bridgnorth's 08 being rather dead at the time) Driver Steve "Jongo" Jones put Erlstoke manor on our train.
The first up trip was quite eventful save for some slow signaling at Arley, untill we got to Bewdley South Box where as we left the platform, a red flag appeared.
The signalman didn't shout to me what the problem was, although to be fair to him, there would not have been much I could do. The Ticket inspector, however had had his head out of the window, and over heard the report of un-stable ground, as it turned out, there were concerns about the cutting wall at Foley Park owing to the rain we had had all summer so far! As we came out of the tunnel there was a rattleing sound, as a small, fallen tree scraped the side of the train, an issue easly dealt with by our P-way and a saw.
As we got ready to leave Kidderminster at 1220, a message came through to ask if we could hold the train for a coach party who had not turned up, as there had been a road accident outside of the station, we decided it may be worth waiting. Meanwhile, I contacted our parties office to see if they could contact the Party, only to get the reply that they thought the party was going to Worcester! Now last time I checked, the SVR didn't run trains to Worcester, although I'd have a go!
Well, this trip was going to be eventfull. We picked up a party of school children at Arley who were only taveling to Highley. As we got off, one of the adults with them realised he had left his bag on the platform at Arley. Suddenly this bag became all important, and he asked if we could take the train back there. I tried to tell him that we couldn't, but there would be one the other way in twenty minutes, and tried to establish where the kids were going and did i need to make any special arrangements
"Don't worry about them" He replied "Somebody will be looking after them."
Eventually i decided that he wasn't going to let me help in that direction, so he asked me what the shortest route to Arley was. I told him up the River Tow path, a distance of about two miles.
"I'll run that," he replied, "I'll be back here in ten minutes"
As the train takes 8 minutes each way, i had my doubts, doubts which only grew when he ran along the platform, then turned over the bridge, away from the river!
The only real highlites of the second up trip was having 5164 added to the rear of the train, so we would have enough locos at Bewdley for the weekend, however, arrival at Kidderminster, a smile was raised by the sight of the class 11 shunting, whilst wearing a War Time style livery, including stick on numbers reading WD40!
So, for the weekend, I disappeared off the radar, otherwise my hobby ran the risk of being more like a job.
Monday rolled round soon enough, and my TTI's for the day were Brian Dunkley and Trev Tompkins. Brian had been my first ever TTI back when I first became a guard. Very few people expected to see me still doing it all these years later. At the front end we had 5164, in the hands of Dave Link. We had the LMS coaches, and there in lay our first hitch. All this week, evey year, we have lots of school parties on this week, for which the LM set had insufficient suitable seating.
Arriving at Highley at 1220, I noticed a girl that I though I recognised on the platform. Walking up the platform to see if I was right, I saw a lad who years ago, when I was a cub scout leader, had being one of my cubs, the girl I recognised had been his fionce, who is my mate's cosin, rather a small world!
We ran round at Bridgnorth, we set out towards Hampton Loade. On leaving Hampton, we had trouble re-creating the brake, and struggled to keep the train rolling. We arrived at Highley, and the signalman climbed into the off side of the van to tell me i had dragging brakes (as if I didn't know) returning to his box having given me the message, it didn't become apparent untill we got into stanley cutting, that he hadn't propperly shut the door!
Kidderminster produced our ammusing passenger moment as we arrived and was asked for some help by a lady who said she didn't have enough strength to pull the window down. She had put the leather strap on the first hole and tried to pull the window down against the strength ofthe strap!
The only real highlight of the second trip came at Hampton Loade, the fireman set the re-occuring theme for the week, by fumbleing the token.
Tuesday was a day that went pretty well to plan, or to you dear reader, was quite boring, which made a change.
I was once again on the LMS coaches on the 1140 ex Kidderminster Town, and had Malcom Challoner, Paul Hern, and Trainee, Ian Powick as my TTIs, and my good friend Lawrence accompnying me for a ride, while Dave, this time, had 7812 as his stead.
In order to get the school parties on faster at Kidderminster, we wanted to Push the set back to the blocks, a move which requires a phone call to the signalman. The first hint I may have a problem came when I phoned the box, to be greeted by a trainee, who informed me that the Signalman was not there having popped up to the training room for a minute. A few minutes, and several phone calls later, he re-appeared!
We arrived at Hampton Loade after a thus far un-eventfull trip, and found ourselves delayed at Hampton, waiting for a late running up train, only to see the fireman again miss the token! Lawrence Left me at Bewdley that night, only for me to look in the cupboard as I tidyed up, snd find that, true to his usual form, he'd left his coat behind.
Wednasday 27th June was one of those days that explains why all guards are Grey, Bald or mad, as it was definately one for the Memouirs.
I had the same 7 coaches for 211 tons, while Dave had the Large prarie, 5164 again. I was pleased to see my TTIs were two experienced pairs of hands, in the form of Les Aidie and Pete Allen. I have had many interesting turns with both of these gentlemen, and Pete always has a tale or two to tell, but today, it would be me that had the stories to re-count.
The first problem we had was 112 suitable seats for the school parties, and 146 people, so some improvisation was needed. To add to the problem, a coach party turned up shortly before departure time without booking first. They were placed in the rear coach as this was the only open coach left now, as several of them wanted to get off at Highley, and were not the most mobile, and this coach would be off the platform, so some polite requests had to be made, with me arranging for the train to stop away from its ordinary postition, running the two coaches that the children had been in at the front of the train off the platform at Highley, as these should, in theory, still be empty., meaning that at least half of the rear coach would be platformed, but would require some good platform work, as the loco would now be hidden to me, behind a tre on departure.
We still had to get to Highley first, and before we left Kidderminster, Les and a passenger drew my attention to a defective drop light, which kept Jamming shut. A quick examination revealed a catch plate was hanging off and fouling the window frame as it opened. As there are two of these on each drop light, I removed the offending item.
Getting the Kids off at Arley proved eventful. We were late, so to get a quick get away, I could have done with getting the children off, then keeping them standing on the platform while we left with them stood clear for the train, so, on seeing two of the re-enactors begining to lead the children away, I asked them to hold on untill we had left, they ignored me and leasd 146 people allong the platform between me and my van.
Highley was proof that you can't please everyone all of the time, we ran the two empty coaches off the platform to platform the coaches with the party on, only to be confronted by a passenger who wanted to know why I had taken the two empty coaches past them and they had had to walk through tyhe train from the back to find a seat. When I explained about the coach party in the rear coach that was getting off, he hit the roof,realising that if he had been more patient, he could have had their seats, luckyly, his anger was aimed at himself for lack of patience rather than at me.
I dropped off the Jacket that Lawrence had forgotten the day before at Bridgnorth, where he was training in the signal box, and I settled into the van for an easy trip back to Kidderminster with just a couple of minutes of late running.
It was at Kidderminster when the story that would have my TTI's in stitches occured.
I had been to the station shop to get a magazine and was on my way back to the train, when someone stopped me at the end of the platform.
Passenger - Which way to the railway station Mate?
Guard (Looking around at Loco, coaches, track etc) - er, you are sort of there mate.
P - No, the main one?
G - Oh, sorry, you want the main line? Out of our station, turn right and its on the opposite side of the carpark.
P - thanks, where do these go?
Guard, noting a local accent so thinkingthe passenger had anidea of the local area - Bridgnorth mate.
P - Bridgnorth? Where's that?
G - Shropshire.
Passenger (Now with a very distant sound to his voice) - Shropshire? Shropshire?????????
I get the feeling I may as well have said Venus
The weather brightened up in the afternoon, but the drama was not over.
At Hampton Loade it was our turn again to Muff a token exchange, the look on the signalmans face showed who was at fault, but no harm done as he was left holding both tokens aloft!
We arrived in Bridgnorth and I went for a cup of tea. Coming out of the canteen to the sound of a diesel engine, with D8188 being started up in the yard.
I looked up at the Signal box.
"Lawrence" I called, "Whats that type 1 doing?"
"Taking you home," he replied.
5164 had failed with a broken Spring, Dave was going back on the cusions as he did not sign the English Electric type 1, but his fireman, was joining Driver Duncan Ballard on the loco.
I felt sorry for Richard, it was not the first time he had ended up on the same loco in place of a steam turn, once famously on a diesel gala, when he accidently switched it off!
The first drama happened at Hampton Loade, where just after leaving the station, we got our change to practice our shepparding skills. As Duncan pointed out, if we'd had asteam loco, he'd just open the Taps, that normally moves them.
As a result of the sheep, we were 7 minutes late into Highley, but some swift station work, allong with the better acceleration of a diesel helped us get into Kidderminster only two minutes behind time.This was time to relax and for the ammusement to beging. The first laugh coming when the Ticket inspector presented me with one of the more unusual pieces of lost property, a fishing net!
So off to the pub for a pint, and to meet my mate Alan. Looking at his beer suspiciously, Alan comented, "I don't like the look of that, its a bit murkey. At £25 per gallon, its even more than Petrol"
"Yes mate" I replied, "But I prefere the taste of this to Petrol"
Thursday, and I was beging to feel like I was developing Webbed feet. The weather in the morning was terrible! Thunder rumbled and Lightening flashed above our heads, while the rain thrashed down in impressive style.
We had the Carmine and cream BR standards, for a change, 6 coaches, for the same weight as 7 LM ones. Pete Allen was again with me allong with Leigh Weston, while my loco was 7812 in the hands of Terry Jenkins.
We recieved reports of Signaling issues between Bewdley North and Highley and were asked did we want to leave late to reduce the time at Bewdley, or right time and sit at Bewdley for a while. we left a few minutes late and had a steady run to Bewdley, where we waited, and waited. It turned out that the signalman at Highley had been stuck the wrong side of flood water, so we were waiting for a signalman to let us through. We eventually left Bewdley 19 minutes adrift and set about the business of recovering time.
We arrived at Highley and were giving it our all. Once all the doors were shut, I flagged off, and got on the train. As we got moving, and were doing about walking pace, a door came open, and a family lepf off the moving train. I let the station staff deal with the passengers and with the door shut, left again.
Friday, and things appeared to come full circle, as Jongo Jones was again my driver, this time on a repaired 5164.
We were back on the LMS coaches and I was accompanied by Dennis Pike and Brian Bain this time.
The weather was a lot drier this time, but the river and its tributaries were still very full.
I was Joined at Bewdley by our ops manager, clutching some post for all stations and a new train register for Hampton Loade. It was dropping this register off when the bobby there told me all about the flood water dramas of the day before.
At the same time, the Hampton Loade station staff loaded some sacking onto my train, saying that Bridgnorth Loco wanted them. Bridgnorth Loco duely put them back on my train, saying they didn't! I'm not even sure what all that was about.
The afternoon departure from Kidderminster allowed us a look at Kidderminsters history in the making, the old sugar beat factory had been handed over to developers the day before, not the ugly Kidderminster land mark had an equally ugly hole in the side of the beat silos, they will be gone completely by the end of July. We arrived into Bridgnorth, and I heard a shout from behind me.
"Ian," shouted our roster clerk, "there's a lady wants to see you in the bar, you've won 11th prize in the raffle."
Expecting a booby prize, I was pleased to win a 6 bottle presentation pack of Hobsons Ale, not bad for a £1 ticket, and the only time I have ever finished a guards turn better off than I started.
We took a steady, event free run home, with no late running or drama at all, then it was offto the pub to unwind with the action behind me for another year.
Did my week end Well? I'll let you decide!

 

Thanks again Ian for some lovely tales! DH

 

No worries mate, hope there were some Laughs in there

 

Nice to get another insight into the trials and tribulations of a guard! Thanks

 

My pleasure Nigel, one day I'll write a book! lol

 

the bit about the guy forgetting his coat was the highlight for me.

 

Yes, but dropping it off for him the next day proves what good mates and good railway men should do!